Mar 9, 2010

the yin to my yang days

So I’ve been having one of those months where everything is going so wrong that you think it’s just a matter of time before I end up at the hospital. I just couldn’t stay in a positive note no matter what I tried.  I was getting sick after sick, it was just a matter of days before I caught something else. I found myself at the E.R. twice and trust me its not a good feeling when the nurses recognize you, no matter how sweet they may greet you. I know that many people have it way worst that I do, but when you’re going through hardships its difficult to see things this way. Rather, I just engrossed on the lives of friends and acquaintances who have it so good that I just wondered “why can my life be as easy as theirs?” And yes, if you’re thinking that everyone’s grass is not as green as it seems, oh trust me I would find ways to argue this rule. I just couldn’t understand why one bad thing led to another and no matter how much I tried to avoid it, it lead to some other worst scenario and a bunch of hospital residents looking over at me like a specimen. But I couldn’t see myself or even think of one reason why I would want to be laid out on a medical examiner’s table by the end of the day shoving me down with even more medication than I already take, and with the way things were going you can pretty much guarantee a trip to the old slab by dusk. So I decided I needed to stay positive. If I change my way of thinking somehow I’ll attract better things to come. I found it odd and even a bit depressing that with all the good fortunes I’ve had I should even be “depressed.” That I should wake up all down and gloomy where just not an option no matter how sick I was, I’ve had way too many blessings to take them for granted. So instead I concentrated on looking forward to my 7 year “lifeiversary.” Yes,lifeiversary (from anniversary ;P). It’s going to be seven years since my transplant, and even though my immune system has been so down this year with all the immunosuppressants I’m given, and for some reason I’ve had so many drawbacks, I’m still up and running, my organs are intact and healthy as a horse, and I’ve had way too many good things in my life to let some little flus & viruses and stumbles take me down. So here is to good health and a positive mind, oh and it never harms to put some good old love and happiness on the side ;)

1 comment:

  1. aww this post makes me sad! But you're totally right with what you wrote at the end of the post: you have many years of valentines, as well as wedding anniversaries. and heck, who said valentines day was the only day couples could show cheesy, heartwarming love for each other anyway? give yourself a seperate valentines day if you both missed this one. it'd probably seem more romantic anyway :).