Jun 14, 2013

I wish you are happy, somewhere

I always wonder where you are. What happened to you. I always go back and wish I had asked you what was wrong? With so many people on facebook, I have searched for you. But no classmate has you, no one has heard from you. How is it that on this day and age I've reunited with people I thought I would never heard from again. People that I only knew from my childhood, from a completely different country, people that I only met once or twice, whose last name I didn't even know, whose first names I didn't even remember, and here we are once again in this virtually world feeling like we are part of each others life, reading statutes and watching their kids grow. And yet no one knows of you. I should've asked you what was wrong? Why did you changed so much. You were the class clown, the guy that had a joke about everything. There was not a day, the teacher would not call your name to please let him continue with his class. Every time words came out of you it followed a crowd of laughter. I admired that, I wished I was like that. I admired those people who were loud, and funny and didn't care what anyone else thought. You walked proud and carefree, always talking to whoever was nearby making seas of laughter follow you. But more than anything, above anything, I loved the way you looked at me. You see, you and I were so different. I was quite and shy and always swallowed by my friends. But the way you looked at me it is as if your eyes made me resurfaced from the crowd, as if i was the only one there. You made me feel so beautiful, so alive. I fell in love with the idea of the image you build of me. I fell in love with how you stared at me. And after all, I never even asked "what happened?" What happened in your life that made you change so much, always in a little corner, hardly even looking up, hardly ever smiling....a completely different person in the shell of what was once you. People moved on, and hardly anyone remembered who you were. Such a dramatic change, I knew it was never me. I couldn't have been, for what we had was too innocent, we hardly shared a kiss. And if I ever hurt you for leaving you, I know nothing was as bad as what happened to you. And every time I think of you, i go back and pictured myself asking you "whats wrong?" What happened to you? Where are you now? Are you married? Do you have kids? Are you happy?........
I still think of you every time I hear the song "Cant take my eyes off of you" by Lauren Hill. I can see myself walking down the hallway in school listening to this song on my cd player. I can see you taking it from me to listen to what I was listening to. I can see you looking at me as I laugh with my friends. I can see you stealing my book while I run after you.... What ever happened to you? How did you become such a quite, mysterious person, sitting all alone always in a corner of the room, avoiding eyes and everyone else?
I am only comforted by the thought that all that is in the past. And you moved on. And maybe you are married after all, you live somewhere far hence why no one has heard of you, and you have kids. And I see the image of you laughing again, telling jokes, and this time is your kids laughter that I hear, and that light that I once saw when you looked at me, is there once again, as you watch your kids laugh. And you are happy once again...............

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